Tonight, millions of people will turn to artificial intelligence for comfort, connection, and even romance. Sextech expert Bryony Cole explores this growing trend, questioning what we gain and what we might be losing when we choose AI companions over human relationships. It’s a conversation about the future of intimacy in an increasingly digital world.
Key Takeaways
- AI companionship is becoming mainstream, with a significant portion of the population forming relationships with AI.
- These relationships offer a sense of control and effortless connection, but may diminish our tolerance for the messiness of human interaction.
- It's important to distinguish between using AI for practice and using it to hide from real-world relationships.
- Setting boundaries around AI use is crucial to protect genuine human connection and intimacy.
The Rise of AI Companionship
It might sound like science fiction, but millions of people are now confiding in AI companions every night. They share their day, their worries, and even their deepest feelings, receiving perfectly tailored responses in return. This isn't a niche phenomenon anymore; it's becoming a regular part of life for many. Astonishingly, a large percentage of teenagers have formed relationships with AI, and a notable number of single adults have found romantic bonds with these digital entities. What was once dismissed as a fantasy for the lonely is now a global reality, with people worldwide building lives, going on dates, and even celebrating anniversaries with their AI partners.
Intimacy Without Effort?
When intimacy is engineered, something interesting happens to our idea of love. We start to expect it to be effortless, always available, and perfectly responsive. AI companions offer a kind of love powered by Wi-Fi – predictable, perfectly timed, and free from the misunderstandings and demands of human relationships. Studies show that people in these AI relationships report feeling emotionally satisfied. It feels good, almost like the real thing. But as Bryony Cole points out, it’s not just love we’re seeking; it’s the control over that love. This raises a significant question: how synthetic do we want our lives to become?
Navigating Synthetic Intimacy: Three Questions to Ask Yourself
As AI companions become more integrated into our lives, a clear framework for healthy interaction is needed. Bryony Cole suggests three questions to help us navigate this new landscape:
- Can You Still Embrace the Messiness of Being Human?
Spending time with something that never demands, never tires, and never talks back can reduce our tolerance for the complexities of human interaction. Real intimacy is often awkward, involves mistakes, and requires effort to repair. This friction is where we build empathy, communication skills, and patience. When intimacy is too easy with AI, we risk losing the drive for personal growth and the ability to navigate discomfort. This capacity to sit with difficulty and repair is what Cole calls resistance literacy – a skill that may be underdeveloped in future generations who grow up with AI. - Was I Using That to Practice or Was I Using That to Hide?
AI companions can be incredibly useful tools. They can help process grief, explore sexuality, or even rehearse difficult conversations, building confidence for real-world interactions. Research shows people confiding in AI sex therapists or young men speaking to AI rather than their parents. The key is to sense afterwards: do you feel closer to people, or further away? If you feel more distant, you might be hiding from genuine connection rather than practicing for it. - What Am I Protecting by Having Rules?
AI companionship addiction is a real concern, with people seeking sobriety from emotional dependence on algorithms. It’s important to set agreements and boundaries around AI use to protect what truly matters in intimacy. For example, during the early stages of dating, instead of using AI to analyze texts, protect your own judgment and intuition by putting AI aside for a set period. Similarly, with friendships, use AI for processing but don't let it replace asking friends for support. This protects your vulnerability and the privilege your friends have in being there for you. When it comes to romantic partners, discussions about AI companions are necessary – is it cheating? What are the boundaries? Deciding to keep AI companions off-limits can mean choosing to do the hard, rewarding work of being together, human to human.
Protecting the Uniquely Human
Ultimately, the goal isn't to avoid AI but to avoid optimizing intimacy for efficiency at the expense of human connection. We need to protect the space that is uniquely human – the unreliable, messy, uncomfortable, but deeply real presence of another person. The most transformative experiences in life, like love, heartbreak, and genuine connection, are rarely efficient or on-demand. They are intimate. The line between real and artificial intimacy isn't in the code; it's in the choices we make. Tomorrow, when you’re grabbing a coffee or on a date, check in with yourself. Are you still willing to be disappointed, misunderstood, or surprised? Because the most frustrating, messy human relationships will always teach us something AI never can: what it means to be truly alive, together. And that's an intimacy worth protecting.